My added Excerpts .

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  • #13524
    Sofia
    Participant

    This is an excerpt I added to the “funny noises” scene, before Chris and Regan go out to the Hot shoppe:

    “Chris was undressing her daughter’s clothes, when the outside wind momentarily increased through the partly opened window. It brought a chill to the room and caused Regan to shiver. The white curtains fouled up her window ledge display of toys. Three fell to the carpet.
    Chris strode quickly to the window and closing the gap, the wind had gone, the curtains became stilled. She retrieved the little fallen cut-out figures and replaced them on the sill.
    “Honey, get your coat with the hood.” Chris gently ordered and taking Regan’s hand, led her away from the window. “It’s starting to rain.”
    “Can you pull it tight around my neck, Mom?” The girl asked, trembling uncontrollably from the cold. “

    Can someone improve it? Fatherb? Caps? Jagged? Erik? etc,etc… Anyone?

    #22502
    Sofia
    Participant

    Blizzi is back!!!
    SO… Bli…can you improve it?

    #23703
    Steve Dunlap
    Participant

    It sounds fine to me. 🙂

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